Little Sister Sundays: Makeup + Skincare.

Makeup is never actually about makeup.

Hi friends, I took the week to largely stay off the internet, which I honestly recommend (though thank you for being here). I’ll tell you what I have told my children: we know far, far more good people than bad, and we will take care of each other. I also want to thank those of you who joined me in making bolognese last weekend, it really warmed my heart! Now, on to this weeks questions, all about makeup and skincare…

“How do I tell someone that they are wearing too much makeup? My dear friend cakes on layers of makeup and won’t swim or engage in any activity if she fears her face will get wet or that she will get sweaty. She has great skin so I really don’t get it! How can I gently suggest that she tone it down and live her life?”

Oooh this is a toughie. My first thought is that if you are as close as you are, I think there is a way that you could address this head on, while minimizing hurting her feelings. Maybe you treat the both of you to facials, and when you see her skin clean you jokingly say something like, “Are you kidding me? Your skin is stunning, why are you hiding it?” Keeping it light but also to the point.

Knowing this is a sensitive subject, I also went to an expert, one of my best friends and professional makeup artist Claire Balest. Claire mostly works in the luxury wedding space and is often working with women who are very stressed and anxious about everything being perfect. She sent me the most thoughtful response:

“I frequently have clients who wear more makeup than necessary - which I attribute largely to our filter culture. (What is too much? Personally, when I can SEE the makeup, it’s too much.) I won’t go into the psychology behind it, but I will say that it’s often not about the makeup at all.  

People are often wearing products that they’ve seen on TikTok or something that won a beauty award and they might not even really understand how to get the look that they want. Let’s say I have a client that prefers a heavier, full coverage foundation but it’s not a good look. I like to start by affirming what I see that's beautiful. If a client has great skin that’s being masked with foundation, I’ll comment on how gorgeous their skin is. I tell them I’d love to really play it up so that all we see is gorgeous, glowing skin. Ultimately, we all want beautiful skin, regardless of how we get there. When I’m excited about an idea and celebrating something beautiful about them, that energy is contagious. Sometimes old habits die hard but positive reinforcement goes a lot farther than negative. When they’re given this positive feedback with demonstration, it sparks something new and creates a space for them to view themselves differently, which creates the opportunity for change.”  

That Claire, she’s a smart cookie (you should totally follow her!). I would love to hear from you all in the comments below—have you ever been in this situation? Or have you ever been the one wearing too much makeup? This is such a sensitive topic!

Now, a question from Jen on Instagram:

Jen is all of us. All of us are Jen.

Jen, this is such a great question! I am not an expert, but I can speak to what has worked for me/what you might be missing in five steps.

1. First of all, your skin is dry. Yes, it is. Yes, even if you are oily, I would wager that your skin is dry. As we age, our skin gets dryer and more fragile. If you do have moments of oiliness, this can actually be your skin screaming for moisture! I have tried a lot of moisturizers over the years, from the inexpensive to the very high end, but right now my holy grail moisturizer is the Extreme Cream from InnBeauty (under $50 usually and currently on sale for early Black Friday!). Don’t be fooled by the aggro name, this is a very hydrating, clean product with no scent. It works great under makeup and I use it morning and night. I also love that you can buy refills, and I just bought the mini for travel as well (a good way to try it out). I just checked and I have repurchased this 7 times now. It’s amazing.

2. Next, you aren’t wearing enough sunscreen. You aren’t! Even if you are an indoor cat, you need sunscreen on your face and the backs of your hands, MINIMUM. My favorite is Unseen Sunscreen but pro tip: Trader Joe’s Daily Facial Sunscreen is the exact same product for 1/4 of the price. This works very well on top of the Extreme Cream and almost works as a primer.

3. You maybe aren’t getting your skin clean. I am sure you already wash your face every night. Right? RIGHT? Ahem. Anyway, a single cleanse just isn’t enough to get everything off your face, especially if you’re wearing sunscreen as I have already bossed you to do. Double cleansing is in order, and here is what I do. First, buy a big pack of cheap white washcloths. Put two bins under your sink—one with a stack of clean washcloths, and one for the dirty ones. Start with an oil cleanser, and while your water is heating up really work it into your skin, including around your eyes. This one is a long time favorite and super affordable. When the water is hot, wet your washcloth, wring it out, and then lay on your face. This steams your skin and loosens any stubborn makeup. Follow up with a non-stripping gentle cleanser like this one, it’s cheap and the best I’ve tried. Rinse well with cool water, then pat dry.

4. Every once in a while, you need to exfoliate. All of that dry skin is leading to dullness and probably making your makeup look less than great. The steamy washcloth above helps, but this Peter Thomas Roth Peel Gel is really satisfying. I buy the mini and it lasts a long time because it only takes a pea sized amount. The dead skin will literally ball up on your face, it’s so gross in the best way.

5. Lastly, when is the last time you changed the makeup products you’re wearing? As we age, it actually looks better to wear LESS makeup. I know, you want to cover the fine lines, the spots, whatever else you see in the mirror that makes you feel bad. But I would wager that the wrong makeup makes this all look worse. I think a more sheer tinted moisturizer looks loads better than a heavy foundation and I skip the powder completely. It just looks crepey and bad on me. On an average day, after moisturizer and sunscreen, I do a thin layer of this Covergirl Skin Milk—a random find when I accidentally forgot to pack makeup for a work trip that I loved enough to keep buying. Then something under the eyes, lately I’ve been favoring a color corrector rather than a concealer, it’s pricey but the skin milk is so cheap that it all evens out. Blush is a must (this mini size will last you months), as is filling in my brows because I’m 47 and therefore a product of the 90’s. Then I curl my lashes and apply a lot of mascara—I’ve tried them all and this $12 mascara is still my favorite. If I want a little more oomph I’ll swipe on these eye crayons—the darker color close to my lashes and lighter color above that, just just pat together. This is literally a less than 5 minute makeup look and doesn’t require a ton of expensive products or tools.

Great questions this week, as always. If you have a little sister question for me, you can leave a comment below, DM me on Instagram, or email me at bigsistermarianne@gmail.com.